Start of Nothing Special Podcast
Imagine a space where men can openly express their thoughts, share their experiences, and support one another. Envision candid discussions where vulnerability is considered a strength, and each shared story provides insight and encouragement to others.
Welcome to my channel, Start of Nothing Special (SONS). My name is David, and I am pleased to introduce you to this new platform created for men from all walks of life to come together and discuss their personal journeys.
Join me as I lay the groundwork for a platform that goes beyond being just a channel—it is a movement. Tune in as I articulate my vision and invite you to join us on this collective journey towards self-improvement. Through open dialogues and shared life lessons, we aim to build a community rooted in mutual growth and understanding.
Welcome to the beginning of something truly significant.
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Start of Nothing Special Podcast
From Spinning Tracks to Capturing Moments (Ryan Farrington)
*Trigger Warning Discussion of Suicide*
What happens when a DJ with a passion for music decides to switch gears and focus on photography? My guest today shares their incredible journey, exploring how the COVID-19 pandemic prompted them to pause, reflect, and ultimately transform their career from spinning tracks to capturing the vibrant world of hospitality through a lens. We unravel the parallels between music and photography and discuss how adaptability and understanding the needs of others can lead to fulfilling personal and professional growth.
Our conversation takes a heartfelt turn as we discuss the evolution of values and responsibilities that comes with becoming a family provider. The journey from bachelorhood to fatherhood is filled with challenges, love, and a new understanding of leadership within the household. Listen to personal stories that highlight the struggles and joys of parenthood, especially when growing up without a strong father figure. The incredible resilience of parental figures shines through as we reflect on the importance of health and support in maintaining a balanced lifestyle.
Friendships and community play a pivotal role in this episode as we explore the profound impact of simple acts of kindness and genuine connections. We share experiences that emphasize the importance of being present for friends without the pressure to solve their problems. Delve into diverse perspectives on spirituality and masculinity, focusing on honesty, responsibility, and authenticity. Appreciate the significance of contributing positively to one's community, and hear my gratitude towards our first-ever guest, whose insights left a lasting impression and ignited excitement for future conversations.
Stay alert, stay safe
If you never try, you will never know
on this week's episode, I talked to a very incredible individual. He is has always been an inspiration for me. I've always kept an eye on his works and been really challenged and interested in what he does. I think he's an incredible guy and I think you guys would think so too, so please open your hearts and enjoy this episode. Please subscribe and share the video to everyone that you know. Share it to guys, girls, whoever just share it, and I hope this touches you as much as it's touched me. Thank you, guys. I do appreciate you joining me and, um, having this conversation. How are you?
Speaker 2:anyway, I'm great, yeah doing really good, uh busy at the moment, figuring out where the rest of the year leads. For me, hospo has been a very interesting kind of time. The last few months has been pretty tricky for a lot of HOSPO businesses and obviously the fact that I'm helping them gain more customers like that's my job just makes it even more important to nail it for customers. So, yeah, that's where I'm at at the moment.
Speaker 1:So a very exciting time, but time, but yeah, very tricky time. Like you say, hospice struggling a lot yeah, it's everywhere where I work as well, it's the same. We're seeing reduced number of foot through the door. Yes, you're still getting that one customer that comes in. That makes up for the day, I suppose, but you're still seeing people a little bit more reluctant to let go of their money because we're in unfamiliar times, I suppose, just struggling with that. But yeah, hopefully things will get better and yeah, it always will I suppose we would just get straight into it.
Speaker 1:You've started to talk about it, but what are your hobbies at the moment?
Speaker 2:I don't really have hobbies. No, I love working. Working is my favorite thing to do, aside from hanging out with families. For me, I find that most of my downtime goes into researching and staying in touch with what's going on in my industry. It's a 24-hour job just to do that. If you're not super interested in what you do as a job, then it's kind of like what are you doing in the first place? So for me, I'm kind of it's. I wouldn't say that I don't have hobbies, it's more just like I'm distracted by my work, by your work, yeah.
Speaker 1:And, like you said, when you enjoy it, it's not work anymore. You just do it and you enjoy it. I want you to just talk about your business, your photography. How long have you had that now? Three years, okay, talk about where did it come from and how was that transition? Because when I first met you, you were a DJ cool.
Speaker 2:So I have been a DJ for over 20 years. It was all I wanted to do as a kid. I woke up when I was 12 years old and just said I want to be a rock star. That was my whole mission in life. From a young start I went through the process of having to learn the industry and learn the craft. Staying in that profession for a certain amount of time you learn lots about your industry and a lot of people that you meet during that industry help you discover different parts about you and different parts about what you want to do into the future. Because as you develop, your brain develops and as you develop a personality through your teenage years into your 30s, you realize that your priorities change. And so for me, djing I've always loved it. I still love it, but I find that these days it doesn't really fulfill the things that I needed to fulfill creatively. It's just not there anymore.
Speaker 2:I was producing through that time and touring, and my creative edge was more in the production sort of side of things. But that sort of real want to create something special and go somewhere special was always the driving force behind everything that I did. And then, when I had kids, I realized that was my driving force. I stopped being so passionate about music which sounds sad, but it's absolutely not. I'm so stoked with the fact that I had kids and they brought a different side of me out. And so now I'm obviously three years into photography.
Speaker 2:But that sort of stemmed from COVID times, when everyone was rethinking how they fit into and what their purpose is. During COVID there was a lot of downtime to rethink and recalibrate. It also gave everyone the freedom to be like I could walk away from my chosen industry right now and nothing would change because everything was locked down. Whether you were sitting on your couch watching TV, all of those skills that you've learned over time were completely useless. You couldn't use any of them. So it changes your perspective about well, if I woke up tomorrow and actually changed my life, what would it look like?
Speaker 2:And for me that was staying in hospitality, but being a little bit more useful to the people around me rather than just being useful to myself. So you know, 20 years of just being self-fulfilling and not really thinking about other people and being sort of super selfish about my mission in life. It completely changed and I decided that I wanted to do stuff for other people. So photography was something I was always passionate about and it's creative still in hospo, because that's the niche that I've sort of stayed in. I use the same part of my brain like figuring out lighting techniques and things like that are exactly the same part of my brain as figuring out certain sounds to use in production or certain songs that mix in with certain other songs, you know what I mean it's still the same.
Speaker 2:It feels like I'm drawing from the same palette. That was the whole mission for me to find something creative to do that wasn't just self-fulfilling and that I could get paid for, and it all fitted.
Speaker 1:Were there any challenges in the start? Have you learned something now that you've been doing for three years that you're like oh, I didn't know that about myself.
Speaker 2:I guess the biggest challenge is really adapting to the needs and wants of other people. Okay, so that to me was again like coming from this sort of selfish frame of mind where it's like you're the superstar, you're the rock star and everything's about you. All the spotlight is on you. Instead, I was putting the spotlight on other people. It took a little bit of time to stop being that person and I'm so glad that I made that change because I'm so much better out of it.
Speaker 2:I can't be motivated by money. Yes, I need to live and charge what I'm worth and what my time is worth and the results for other people. There has to be a give and take, but there's a lot of clients that I find I just start working with and I don't even think about the invoices, I just start working. I'm not even thinking about the time it's taking me to do this. I'm just so deep in the work and getting creative that I'm so distracted by it. So I think the biggest change is just changing from a self-serving point of view and realizing that you have to grow as a person in whatever you do. You need to focus more on the growth of you and how you can adapt around the community to fit in and be a part of the fabric of society, rather than just being this sort of lone wolf. So yeah, that's been the biggest thing for me if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:It's a successful business because it's been going for three years. Are clients coming to you or are you at that place now where you can like? How does your work schedule work?
Speaker 2:I'm a firm believer that the result is more important than the methods used to get to that thing. I believe it doesn't matter how long it takes me to make that thing happen. The most important thing is that it happens. At the start it was a lot more cold calling and going out and telling people I'm no longer a DJ, I am now this other thing, and a lot of people find that they think about themselves and they think I wish I was good at more than one thing. They think that they're they're only good at this one thing they do for a career or for a hobby. And so when they look at other people trying to do this brand new thing, they just think, oh god, what are they doing? Like I had so many people coming to me and saying, like, why are you giving up dj and why are you giving up production? It's been working for you for 20 years. What are you doing? Changing people's perception into saying I can be just as good at this other thing, yes, as I was with the other thing. So changing yeah, changing everyone's, you know look about me took a lot of time.
Speaker 2:For the first year I thought less about the business and more about how to take really good photos and the type of photos that other people wanted. There was a lot of cold calling to say, hey, can I come into your venue and shoot some stuff and I'll give it to you, you can have it. I would go out on adventures with the kids and say, let's jump in the car and drive down to Ross or something like that, and jump into the cafe down there, we'll have lunch. I'll take some photos, I and jump into the cafe down there, we'll have lunch, I'll take some photos, I'll send it to them and we'll see what happens.
Speaker 2:And that was how I got my first client. So that was me going out of my way to really put my hand up and say, hey, I exist, pay attention, and so that first year was really outbound. And then, slowly, what happens? When you do that long enough and you just focus on the result and not the money and stuff like that, he's not just trying to sell us a remedy that we don't need. Exactly after a certain threshold of me going out there, people started coming to me and saying how can we get more of you? After a while, the calls started coming to me and I stopped having to call other people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know you've sort of touched on a little bit, but what drives you?
Speaker 2:the need to be useful, and whether that's to my family or to the community or the my friends and people around me. It doesn't mean that I'm a great friend like I. I'm so focused in my head a lot of the time that I find that it's very hard to be useful, but it's what drives me and it's what continues to kill, keep the wheels turning, and so that's my biggest driver. Really. Obviously my family is the most important thing in my life, but it's not always at the forefront of my brain. No, built in a way where I can turn off family time, turn on to work time, and then I don't have to pick my phone up and constantly check in with my wife. She knows that when I'm in work mode it's just like I'm not even responding, like I can't, and the kids are starting to realize that too. So when they've got me, they make the most of it, and when I'm working they don't come and tug on my arm anymore.
Speaker 1:Being useful is what drives you. Has that changed in any way since you were a single man till you're married? How long have you been married now?
Speaker 2:Oh man, it's been. I think it's 15 years now.
Speaker 1:You want to be useful, because I'm a man, I need to provide for my family, I need to look out for my family, I need to make sure they have a warm house bed somewhere to sleep. Back then I suppose it was you yourself. The drive would have been different. You might have been more selfish for more focus. Oh, I'm so cool, you know, look at me, I'm the best DJ, sort of thing for me.
Speaker 2:I've always been driven by what's in front of me. I definitely look into the future and think, what does does this look like in five, 10 years? But I'd also know that there's only a certain amount of things in your control to change. For me, it's very much what's in front of me. At the time, when I was single, I didn't really think about where my life was going. And then, when I was in a relationship with my now wife back in college, I still didn't really think about how I was going to provide and make things work. It was very much like what's in front of me.
Speaker 2:I remember sitting in the hospital my daughter. She was my firstborn and when she came out she had bradycardia, which is like a slow resting heart rate. I remember looking over her and feeling this pain in my chest and I was like, wow, this feels different. I was talking to the nurse and she was just like, yeah, you should get that checked out.
Speaker 2:I went to the doctor a few weeks later like my daughter was fine and it was just the way she's built. Turns out, I'm built the same. But anyway, I went to the doctors and said, look, I've been getting these chest pains and they're just like. It's just stress, you're fine, you're healthy, you're fine and I was like, wow, I've never felt it in my entire life. Since then, whenever I've been in stressful situations, I've just had that kind of tense, dull ache. I always get checked out. My health has definitely become a lot more important to me since having my daughter, and I also have definitely had a little bit more pressure to provide financially, but I think that the most important thing to provide for my family is just love and support.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly yeah. As you grow older, you evolve, Everything changes. Your value changes. I was born in Africa. Being visible to everyone was being cheeky, being funny, being stubborn, so that was cool. Then I met the woman that I got married to and all of a sudden my whole world changed. Now I have to be a man. Now I have to provide for a family. I didn't think about it. I'm the man in the house. Now my story is a little bit longer, but I didn't know my real dad.
Speaker 1:I remember saying to my wife at the time I don't know what it means to be a man, I don't know what it means to lead a household and I'm with you and I have to be the decision maker. I have to lead us where I think is right. And I don't know if I know that. I've learned a lot of things in life where I don't know what I'm doing at all and having to figure out how to provide for her myself. I struggled a lot with that. Seven years later now we're not together, but I can look back and go. I think I'm in a better place now. I haven't been more of an understanding of what that means, what it means to provide and to do that, I need to find a way to one year, provide for my family but heal and learn through the process.
Speaker 2:No, I hear it, man. Yeah, I think at a certain point you realize that you're not invincible and you, you can't just keep on going through life dealing with problems as they come up. You have to actually plan ahead. And yeah, I agree, man, it's a hard one, like I? I don't know, I haven't nailed it. I certainly haven't. Um, nine now and I still haven't nailed that preparation. What's your?
Speaker 1:inspiration then, anyone you look up to, or what's the inspiration to do what you do?
Speaker 2:yeah, I my my parents are a major influence on me. Uh, both mom and dad are from eng. My dad had a hard upbringing because he had some mental illness issues that he had to navigate through when he was a teenager. He had a father that was very masculine and didn't want to accept that there was something different about his son, and so he really struggled with that kind of relationship for many years. Eventually they squashed it way into the future, but between that time he had me and he had my sister, and so I guess over time he's gone through these bouts of depression and he always beats himself up about it because he always feels like he's the problem and he also feels like he is a burden sometimes.
Speaker 2:We all know him as this lovable character. He was a child carer for most of his life because when he had me, he loved the experience of staying home with me teaching me. Because when he had me, he loved the experience of staying home with me teaching me and growing a human. He wanted to do it with other kids and bring them up and show them the world, because he didn't, I guess, maybe feel that way about his childhood. He saw how much of a difference it made on me and how I was affected by a good influence, especially a male figure, and so he wanted to continue to give that gift to the world. But over the years, he still battles with those demons and I'm so proud of him for that. I'm humbled to be in his presence, because he is the man I would love to be. It's not just about me, it's not about my struggles. It's about learning from those struggles and actually helping the people around you and growing good humans.
Speaker 2:My mom's a big influence. She was a teacher. She was a lot more stern and results-driven because she's built the same way that I am in terms of the real drive to be useful. She worked with kids who were naughty at school and had to go somewhere once a week to go and learn a craft and take them away from this system. That doesn't work for them. It just doesn't work for them being school and take them away for one day a week to work with their hands and actually get stuff done make some woodwork or metalwork or whatever.
Speaker 2:She's a big inspiration because she's helped to nurture that creativity in kids that were not super receptive to school and things like that. So, yeah, my parents have been a massive influence on me. My wife inspires me too, and even my kids inspire me, because they see the world similarly to me. We instill a lot of these views into them, but occasionally they come out with something that really blows your mind and you just say, wow, from down there, the world's so different and you just don't see it from their perspective. And they say things to you like I feel so small. I want to be an adult because I want to be heard and it's really interesting to hear things like that.
Speaker 1:Come out and develop ways to build resilient humans, but also listen to them yeah, that answers a mom being your inspiration, wife, your kids and and that's what it also ties to the drive they drive you. That inspiration drives you to be better each day and learn. How do you experience love? What makes you feel loved the people around you. What do they? What makes you feel loved, the people around you, what do they do that makes you feel loved?
Speaker 2:I would say that's a tough one actually to articulate it. I find it very hard because it's like asking a child what does love mean? They can't explain it and you're like, okay, well, tell me about your happiest moments in life. And when you feel that happy feeling, I'm around my friends, I'm around my best friend. I'm around my mom. I'm hugging my, my best friend. I'm around my mum. I'm hugging my mum. I am watching TV with the whole family eating popcorn. I'm eating my favourite meal, and it's always around people and I think that it's the same with us. As you grow up. You don't lose that. To feel loved to me is to be around people that listen to me and hear me and can put up with all the rambling that I have and just nod and acknowledge me, have that eye contact and feel like, yeah, like I see you, that's being loved to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, being around your people, essentially your friends, your family, that's good. It's funny, when I wrote this question down, I still don't have the answer yet I'm trying to unwrap that myself as we speak. What makes me feel alive? I mean when I go and visit my family and they say, would you like a cup of tea? That's huge. It's like, oh, thank you, because.
Speaker 2:I'll never say no to tea. That makes me feel alive. That moment is them saying I want you to stick around.
Speaker 1:You know I want you to stick around, don't go. Yeah, no, don't go. You're having tea, so you can't leave now.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:So for me, that's when I feel that love when someone does something for me. My whole life is the lessons that I've learned. I felt that I can't expect anything from anyone. I can appreciate it. I don't ever expect anything from anyone, but I'm very grateful, very thankful, when you do it, when people do things for me, I feel loved because it's like, okay, you didn't have to do it and I don't expect it from you. If I was to answer that question, that's what I would say, and even something as simple. I suppose I don't know if you get this with your wife, but have you eaten today? Or have you had lunch? Have you drunk enough water? Did you sleep? Well, those are little moments.
Speaker 2:Those ones are hard-hitting too, like when they say that to you and you're like thought about my well-being either. It's been in your back of your mind and you've been like I'm concerned and you haven't even thought to say anything and then you've just it's, it's just come out of your mouth like have you eaten today? The reasoning behind that? They haven't even thought about the reasoning. It's literally just like you find that with kids, they'll just ask you stuff like you're right, daddy, they want to know that you're safe and happy because they rely on you to be their safe space and to be there to protect them and so if they don't ask you that, they don't know where you're at. And, yeah, tricky one. It just reminded me of a friend who took his own life a couple years ago. He reached out to me because I said to him like I saw him at some point and said like man, you don't look good, what's going on? He's just like I'm not really doing that. Well, things are really sitting on top of me at the moment. Things like like that and I was just like dude. Anytime we always say like anything I can do, just let me know, just jump on the phone call. No one ever does it. But one day he reached out to me. He was like, hey, man, I'm not doing well and I would love to just go for a walk and just hang out. I was like cool man, let's go for a walk. Like cool man, let's go for a walk. We went for a walk up to the gorge and had a great talk. It was really deep. He was in tears. I was almost in tears.
Speaker 2:One of the big things he said was the hardest part for him was he had a daughter. He had thought about taking his life many times in the past and she was the reason that he didn't for so long, because he felt like he had more to offer and more to give her. He was telling me that she at some point a couple of times had said to him are you okay? Like, are you all right, daddy? Something's wrong. She could sense it in him and he said to her no, they're not All right, I'm not doing too well at the moment, and she would just give him a hug and really try to bring him back up again.
Speaker 2:And there was nothing that she could have done, because the more that happened, the more he felt like she shouldn't be. I'm now a burden on her, like a weight. I'm now making her think about me all day, exactly. And then, yeah, a few days later he took his life. And that one just stung because, you know, no matter what I said to him, none of that mattered. No, none of it mattered. And just in terms of what we're talking about, in terms of feeling loved, sometimes you, you feel loved. It really hits you hard when people say things like are you all right? And they mean it, actually mean it, they're not just saying it to be nice, no, actually mean it exactly.
Speaker 1:I guess there's no real lesson to learn from that one, but interesting to think about, yeah so a moment of vulnerability for me is I can totally empathize, relate to this person. It is something that I feel a lot of men struggle with and fight with that. That it's an illness. I've experienced it. I agree with you. No matter what you say to that person, it doesn't change Because the illness is, in my experience, convincing you that in this moment you are a burden to everyone.
Speaker 1:Everything in life is your fault and no one really wants to put up with you. In my experience, my little girl's there smiling, there's a meal getting cooked for me, but in that moment it doesn't matter. Your brain's going no, no, no, that doesn't matter. Right now you're worthless. You have no one, no one loves you, no one likes, and I've struggled with that all my life. And it's we as humans we think this way of thinking that we're the only one going through something. I didn't with that all my life. And it's we as humans we think this way of thinking that we're the only one going through something. I didn't realize that my friends had these thoughts as well. So one of my friend who to me in some sense like you, very laid back, very chilled, like I feel like nothing gets to him, and he opened up recently because I was going through a lot and I'm just like nah, we need to change guys. Talking to him, him he said yeah, no, mate, I struggled with that a lot and there's times where I nearly went through with it. I said what? He told me that this is something you dealt with. And I said, bro, I dealt with the same thing too and I'm still dealing with the same thing. And I said to him like why didn't you talk to me? And then, as soon as I said that, I caught myself. I was. I was like well, what would I have said? It's something that I struggle with a lot.
Speaker 1:Coming from Africa, I didn't have anything and it came here and now I have access to things that have always been seen as less than People that I went to school with would ask questions like what did you do to live in a house? As a result, I've trained myself to present well. When I go out, I'm representing my whole kind, every black person, so you'll never catch me looking shabby. I dress for me so I feel good, but also I do try to impress, so I present well. When I speak to people and say struggle with those thoughts, they're like what are you struggling? It seems like your life is good from the outside. I'm like, yeah, but from the outside it looks good.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's scary, a lot of mental maintenance going on yeah, it's scary just hearing you say about your friend and I'm so grateful, so happy, that you did go on that walk with him, because I know that would have broken you more or something came on you too busy could go, that would have destroyed you. But the fact that you did it means that that's something you can celebrate and look at, yeah, have at least a fond memory of him, even though the circumstance is really really you know.
Speaker 2:He sent me a message and said you don't know what that meant to me. That's the last message I've got from him. There's a lot of things that I think about that situation whether that helped him realise that it was under his control and that his choice. I think that maybe for a long time he was keeping himself around and his choice. I think that maybe for a long time he was keeping himself around for his daughter. He wasn't necessarily thinking about himself. I don't know how that affected, whether it was a good thing that I linked up with him or whether it was a bad thing. I don't know. But at the end of the day you will never know. And I know that if I could talk to him now, I'd just be like let's go for another walk, let's go for our walk every day just to keep things running keep the motor running Because it's not like you can't just do your good deed and feel like you've ticked that one off and you've supported a friend and then just walk away.
Speaker 2:If someone feels that much like they want to change that they actually talk to you about it, then you really, really need to keep on with it and I think the fact that you are questioning whether it was a good or a detriment to seeing him.
Speaker 1:I think that's, in some ways, it's good that you are questioning that, but I also think that at the end of the day, you at that moment did what you felt was right. So I think at that moment, that's all that matters. You went and spent time with him. I think at that moment.
Speaker 2:That's all that matters. You went and spent time with him. I think that's the thing, just answering that call. If someone needs your help, then you have to just answer it, no matter what.
Speaker 1:Now I can say I've got those friends. Since recent events I've realized, ooh, I can call. We all say that, oh, give me a call anytime. And that's true. We are quick to say that when the time comes, who's answering who's?
Speaker 2:picking up your call.
Speaker 1:It's hard to find those people, those friends. But also you've got to think about it as well. Is that you as well? It can't always be about everyone else. If I call my friends, will they answer? Will you answer if they call you?
Speaker 1:In recent times I can 100% say I do have people like that. After I went through a very tough time, I did pick up the phone and I did call certain people. I didn't even need to call certain people, I was just there and they called me Mate, what's going on? I'm here, yeah, and you want to talk? Yeah, let's do it sort of thing. You've got to be willing to answer. I don't want to put too much pressure because we get busy, but I said to them we've got to make an effort of touching base, calling each other. So now four group where I just message them, say this week I'm struggling with this, and they know, yeah, and the rule is you don't necessarily have to fix my problem, you don't have to say something. It's for me. I put it out there, knowing that I've said my problem. Yeah, if they have advice, they can give advice if they want, if they have an insight, I can. If they want to call me. They can, but they don't feel obligated. That is huge for me yeah it really helps me.
Speaker 1:So I just go. I'm struggling with this, I'm not holding it in my heart, I'm taking it off.
Speaker 2:Do you find that, like you sometimes don't want to make that phone call because you don't want them to? Like you just want to hang out. You just need their support in terms of, like I actually just feel like being around someone right now and I don't want to have to justify it by sort of telling them what's going on. You don't want to burden them by saying I'm not doing well and then like for them to feel like, oh shit, I better put on my support brain, you know, do you find that? Do you find that sometimes why you don't pick?
Speaker 1:up. I don't want to reach out. You're right, I don't want to justify it. How I work is I sit with my feelings, I process it. Then I can talk about it with you because I've sat with it a little bit. So sometimes I don't want to, I haven't had that chance to do it. I just want to sit with a friend, I just want to sit with you. That's when I'll say let's go grab a beer or let's go do this. I don't always want to be like I'm really sad, so can we hang out, let's go do something, you know, and we do it, and it's a great experience. The big question, my next question, is a religious person. Do you believe in anything? If so, what do you believe in Any spirituality?
Speaker 2:No, not at all. I don't believe in anything spiritual. I never really have, but that's not to say there isn't anything. It's never been important to me and it's never really come up at all. And I think that's just our age now. Beforehand, a religion was such a massive part. Growing up, you went to church and things like that. Yep for me, like in australia, I could. I don't know if many of my friends would have actually gone to church when they were younger. They might have it through school, like through a private school or something like that, but I don't know if they would have gone to to church when they were. When they were younger. Um, my parents said like would you like to? And they sort of gave me the opportunity. Must be nice. Yeah, that's it, man. But yeah, I wasn't drawn to it and so far, so good.
Speaker 1:I guess my experience was different had to go to church. There's no. You're supposed to marry, you have to have a relationship with God. Whether it's one-sided way of forcing you to have it, my, it's one-sided where you're forcing you to have it. My mum's father is a Muslim. She struggled with that and she found Christianity and then she became a Christian and then she married a Christian and then she's been a Christian, since A lot of people in the West from Africa are religious, whether it's Muslim or Christianity or whatever else. All I've known is Christianity, religion and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:The reason I ask is not to catch you out and for you to say it's not God. It's more just curious to see because where I at the core of who I am, where I base my decision-making, is, I've got to revert back to the teachings when I was young. So I wouldn't say I'm a religious person, I would say I'm spiritual.
Speaker 1:I listen to the energy, I listen to the universe, and my decision-making is based on, yes, being a good person, but also what I've been taught in Christianity Be good to people, be kind, be generous, be loving, be forgiving. So any decision I make, I revert it back to God. And when I'm making a big decision, I'll have quiet prayers to myself. I'm not religious at all. I don't read the Bible that often actually, but I will have moments in the car when I'm driving to work. I'll just say pray about something, or protect my family.
Speaker 2:My views have changed so much over time. When I was younger, my parents were quietly religious. They believed, but they didn't. You know. They told me the stories and stuff out of the Bible. I didn't have any religious friends so it wasn't around me much To start off with. I was like almost like it was like a default to be Christian right.
Speaker 2:So it was almost like your default football team as a kid is just whatever football team your dad was into. It's just like okay, well, I guess I'm into st kilda, that's me. And then over time things change for me defaulted to christianity and then after a while I went the complete opposite way. Just because I was a little brat, like angry at people for even talking to me about religion, I would be offensive on purpose through high school, like anyone that knows me through high school knows that there were certain teachers who happen to be politicians now that were deeply religious and I used to have a crack at them and wind them up so that I could get detention and go to the front office. I've riled people up for a while and then I think by the time I got to college I just cooled off and over time it's become something where I don't even think about it.
Speaker 2:And parents. Something interesting recently my grandparents, before they passed away, were into the church out at Cressy and they were like their community and they would go to the fairs and things like that that they would have and the charities, things that they would do and the markets and stuff and for them that was their friend group. That was massive for them, without religion they would have nothing, they would just have each other. I have massive respect for that community. It's not that I don't believe and I don't want to be a part of the community, but I have massive respect for it. So in terms of it being useful for people, 100%.
Speaker 1:It's meant to be a fellowship. That's the idea of it. That's what I think christianity it's not about rights and wrongs. Obviously that's a part of it, but I think it's just about and, and you're right, because you do create friendship and then you go there and you're all together. You do things together during the week, whether it's I don't know some christian-led events that you have that you do it and stuff. It's all meeting up with people. I think that's what I miss about Christianity. That's what I liked about Christianity, you know like, I think, the whole thing.
Speaker 2:To wrap it up, it's really about the experience that you have personally, exactly. For me, it was a completely different experience to you and the results have obviously been different, exactly.
Speaker 1:Now big one Is there anything that you battle with daily if you want to open up to us?
Speaker 2:the mental, physical. I have a very active brain. My brain is always going like night or day. Sometimes I wake up at like 3am and I'm just like oh, I've got this cool idea for a photo shoot.
Speaker 1:Most of the time I can remember it in the morning.
Speaker 2:It's almost like a nugget that sits in the back which holds on and I wake up in the morning. I'm just like I better write that down. I lose sleep from that sometimes and I guess I, yeah, just really overactive brain.
Speaker 1:Okay, we'll just keep it as that. Now, what do you understand to be a man? What does that look like? What does that mean to you?
Speaker 2:I would say someone who is, it's a hard one.
Speaker 1:You take your time.
Speaker 2:To me, it's a combination of a lot of things. It's about being true to your word, being honest and forthcoming with with all the facts about everything going on in your life, owning up to your problems and responsibilities and really being the best possible human that you can be, whether being a man or a woman in general being a human, you have to own up to and channel who you really are and follow that as hard as you can. Run towards who you are and just be who you are and be unapologetic about it.
Speaker 1:Any experiences you've had that's made you have these answers like. Is there anything you experienced growing up that make you say that for you, what it means to be a man is transparency, honesty?
Speaker 2:integrity. I think it's a combination of trial and error and also influence from my mom and dad. Yes, my dad is definitely not the typical male. He definitely goes out and does a lot of physical work. He's always tinkering in the garden, lifting stuff. He's 70 years old. He's got bigger muscles than me. He's out there doing the thing and it's in him to do it for some reason, whether it's chemical or whatever. It's in him to just be working hard. But in terms of everything that I just mentioned about being truthful yourself and being who you are, I guess I've seen dad grow in into that over time and it wasn't something that was instilled into him as a child, but it's something that's come through without any external force. It's been a lifelong growth into what I would say is a man. I'm just trying to emulate that really what is your daughter saying now?
Speaker 1:because you're talking about your dad, what he saw, what you saw. So, if you can have a personal reflection now, what is it that your kids, what are they seeing? That they go? Oh yeah, that's dad, that's my dad.
Speaker 2:What do they see? Confidence, confidence, for sure, because when you, as you know, I used to hate spiders and then I had kids and I had to be the guy.
Speaker 1:I had to be the guy.
Speaker 2:So I couldn't just be scared of spiders.
Speaker 1:And now, I'm not scared of spiders.
Speaker 2:I would say that all of my fears have disappeared since I had kids. Yep, you had to have to. I have no phobias now For my kids. They know me to be the strong human that will always be, will give like. I will give my life for my kids, and they know it Like. They've seen me throw myself in front of stuff for them, grab their arm, throw them out of the way. They've seen me say to them wait here. Yeah, that protective nature is something they see and so I guess it is a thing. It's a different thing to what my answer was. For what is man? It's a different. It's a different thing to to what my answer was. For what is man? It's a great experiment it's interesting isn't it?
Speaker 1:when they only say what is a man, we always go out of our. So when you start saying things that I don't know if it's we idolize or what we think a man should be, I agree that it is definitely integrity. It's definitely bravery, protector. But the other part that I hope we never forget is vulnerability. It's softness as well, because we are allowed to be strong all the time, but we also should have a space and we should be allowed to have a moment of vulnerability and being soft. So that looks different for every man obviously some of them.
Speaker 1:If you have a daughter, for example, you go into her bedroom, you play with her dolls, with her and you give your whole energy and the imaginary world with her Fathers. It's joining her when she's doing a ballet and then it's sitting there, and if she's a little bit older, it's talking with your daughter about her real life stories. Yes, if to us it seems playful what Lucy did, what you know, it's sitting there and showing her that your experience is important. Yes, they might not be important later on, but they're important. So I will sit with you, I will talk with you and I will invest in your life. I'll be there, but I also protect you.
Speaker 1:I am the man, but I also want you to see that being a man also means that I, a man, is to love how he should love you. Take you on dates. I think your dad should be the first person that takes you on a date. And when we're seeing that, your son will be seeing that and go oh, look at what dad's doing. Yeah, and he takes that on and he takes that into his life. I wonder what your son would see. Obviously, his perspective would be different, what he thinks of a man and what you do, that he goes, oh, that's my dad, it's a man, obviously, lifting him, yeah might be one of those things.
Speaker 2:It's an interesting one too. Yeah, for our son. We want him to be respectful of women and be vulnerable. It's funny actually, when he was younger, there was this moment where he was playing around in his sister's stuff, grabbing out dresses and stuff, wearing the dresses, and he had no problem with it. He didn't think anything of it. When he started to go to school, we'd send him off with a pink drink bottle and he'd say I can't take that. And I'd be like why? Because blah, blah, blah. I said that it's girl that.
Speaker 1:And I'd be like why Because?
Speaker 2:blah, blah blah said that it's girl, that pink's a girl's color. I was like, mate, my favorite color is purple. You can say whatever you want about me but honestly, mate, like when it really comes down to it, you're making like. These words that other people are telling you change you and you need to be aware of that. It's really important to be aware of the fact that these other kids, everything they say, is changing you. It's a really interesting one.
Speaker 1:That's huge. I like that. That's definitely huge. That strength that you're showing to him and that's what he will learn. You might not sit there and ponder it, but he's just learning that and he takes that into his life as he grows up. And have that belief in himself Because I think we do to do that with a lot of our young guys and just let them know it's okay, it's okay to like purple as a color. A few questions before we wrap up now. Is there anything you've learned?
Speaker 2:in your years of being ron that you would like to share with me, with audience, with people.
Speaker 2:I guess just being able to have these types of platforms is really important and I think that I'm really appreciative of being able to hop on here. Oh, thank you, and yeah, it's really important stuff. A lot of the focus on on this sort of conversations are around like expectations of us and our own expectations. I think what you're doing is great. I really appreciate the time to do this in terms of anything else to share. It's really that whenever you have that moment to think about how you're helping the people around you and contributing to your community whether it's just your friend group or your entire community in town trust me, trust me making that call or going out there and doing something for your community or doing something for a business that is like struggling or anything like that you will feel so good about yourself for actually reaching out and doing something. It gets easier as you do it more, so get away from your worries about being perceived in a certain way and just be yourself and make a difference for other people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, be yourself, be yourself. Remember that everyone, be yourself. Yeah, that's it. I just want to say thank you for hopping on. It means the world to me that you said yes, it's just been a really smooth transaction with you and I really, really appreciate it. Appreciate this, because you are officially my first ever guest. I had other guests and I'm going to have more. I mean, they're in the pipeworks and stuff but yeah, you are officially my first guest and it's such a breeze and it's so refreshing to talk to someone that I can see a little of myself in. I like how you speak, I like how you carry yourself and I've only met you short times here and there, but those conversations we've had those times has left a mark on me and I was like I would love to sit down and pick his brain and just talk about things. And it might not be the only ones, it might be another time. I really have enjoyed this chat and I really appreciate it. Thank you.
