Strength in Stillness and Reflection

What happens when men embrace vulnerability instead of hiding behind a facade of strength? Join me, your host David, as I recount my personal journey of confronting emotions like fear, anger, and sadness, and how stillness and reflection have been transformative for my personal growth. We tackle the societal pressures that often dictate a man's emotional expression and discuss how these unresolved issues can cascade into our personal relationships. The chaos of modern relationships becomes a focal point, as we recognize the recurring cycles of hurt and highlight the importance of self-awareness in breaking these patterns. By exploring traditional gender roles, I suggest that when a man truly embraces his masculinity, it can foster and support a woman's femininity.

Remember the thrill of spontaneous adventures and the simple joys they bring to our lives? We reminisce about shared experiences that don't rely on alcohol but instead focus on genuine connection — like hiking, visiting gorges, or enjoying live music and cheese platters at vineyards. These moments aren't just about fun; they're about creating lasting memories and deepening our connections. Listen in as we hint at the complexities and taboos surrounding relationships, setting the stage for future conversations that promise to inspire personal growth and improve how we relate to one another.

Chapters

• 0:00 State of Relationships
• 13:02 Exploring Fun Activities in Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

All right, welcome back to another episode of Sons, the start of nothing special podcast, a space for men of all walks of life to come together. I'm your host, david, and I welcome you again. Now. A lot of you have noticed I've been quiet but still actively listening, which is something I'm working on for myself. Just when I'm quiet, I'm trying to learn that being quiet doesn't mean that you don't learn, you don't listen. It just means it's the best time to learn a lot. I'm not okay, and I think I've been saying that for a long time, and the reason why I, um, I keep saying is because I want to normalize it. I want to normalize uh men being able to say, hey, I'm not okay, um, and not getting any judgment for that. I'm not gonna lie or pretend, um, if I'm not not feeling so, I'm not okay. I don't want this space, however, to become a negative or hateful space. So, therefore, I didn't want to post anything, because a lot of what I was feeling was a lot of anger, hate, betray and all the fun and colourful emotions.

Speaker 1: 1:32

In my time, in silence, in my stillness, I saw quiet, and one of it really resonated with me the idea of being okay, to feel and to be in stillness For me. I always think I have to keep moving, I have to keep doing something, but I'm starting to learn that I can still stop, listen and learn. In this time, I've also noticed a lot of old emotions coming back up and it sort of, as a result, made me start to beat myself down a lot more. If not for the support around me, I probably wouldn't be coming back to make this podcast so quickly, but I've found that a lot of the anger flooding back, my sadness and my fear all coming back In my stillness. However, I learned that my fear is a part of me, waiting to feel safe. That's why it's there. My fear is there because it's waiting for that safety to return. My sadness was because of the love and care that I never received in my past friendship, my past relationship. My anger was because I have been hurt and no one listened. I have been hurt and no one listened. Right now, my life insists of just being scared, but I still have to do what I have to do. That fear is still there, but I still have to persevere. I'm learning that I can be less qualified as the other person, but I'll still walk into that room. I can be messy, imperfect and unsure, but I'll still show up regardless. My comfort is my biggest enemy. My comfort is the enemy of my growth, so I will not allow it to stop me.

Speaker 1: 3:55

That's a lot of things, that's disjointed, that I've been feeling lately, but something that has become abundantly clear to me is the state of the world and relationships. I know I'm not the first in seeing this or noticing this, but is chaos out there? It is messy out there. Human beings, we have really, really destroyed what a relationship is and what it means. We have a lot of people in a broken relationship leaving the broken relationship and taking that baggage into the next relationship and going well, my next relationship there's got to. They've got to love me for who I am and they'll rush into another relationship. And then this other person has also left a relationship and they've got their baggage and they're thinking the same thing well, my ex was crazy or my ex was controlling, or whatever. So I'm not going to allow that. I'm going to love him, I'm going to be stronger. And these two people then find a common ground and they date each other.

Speaker 1: 5:14

However, the cycle continues because now you've got two people with noticeable, sizable trauma that hasn't been worked through. And now they're trying to make a relationship with a boy thinking, no, I'm the prize, so I'm not going to change. Neither of them have taken time to work on themselves. They've just taken what they wanted from that past relationship and created a narrative for themselves and moved forward with that in mind. I just want to say that I have noticed that, for lack of a better example, that we're a bunch of sinners mad at other people because they're sinning differently to us. Everyone's hurt Hurt people are now hurting people, and people that are have no reason to be hurt are getting hurt because we are not taking time to learn. We're just all in this world where we've been isolated the isolation of well, they were the problem or in this world where we've been isolated the isolation of well, they were the problem. They did the wrong. I have to look after me. They were the problem. Not taking a step back and looking at what you brought to the situation, what you brought to the table and what you both brought that made it such a toxic and chaotic partnership.

Speaker 1: 7:01

This is a topic I would like to discuss with other men and potentially a woman, a woman's point of view, but just to talk about the current state of events, I will tell you personally, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to get into those waters, I'm afraid to get into a relationship, I'm afraid to trust, I'm afraid to let anyone in because I'm a traditionalist, I'm an old school sort of man. I am the man in the house. I will provide, I will care for my woman, look after her. I am dominating, I am controlling, but not in a belittling or stifling out a woman's femininity, because that's not my interest. I love femininity and for me, I believe that a man will never see a woman's true femininity until he is allowed to live in his masculinity. When a man is allowed and is free to be in his masculine element, it allows a woman's femininity to blossom and evolve.

Speaker 1: 8:22

A man wakes up, kisses his family good morning, gets the house ready, goes to work, work hard, comes home, kisses his woman, his children say, hey, I'll help cook, or hey, how was the day? Takes the kids, runs a bath for them. Sounds like an idealistic world, doesn't it? A man being a man taking up space and enough for his family so that when his family does arrive they've got a room because he's taken up that space for them. So if a woman sits in that space, his children sit in that space. They feel loved, they feel free. He creates a safe home by buying a home, providing for them, allowing his kids to be as weird and as open as they want to be.

Speaker 1: 9:21

Loving on his wife, allowing her to be in her femininity, allowing her to take her time getting ready to dress, allowing her to go and do what would pamper herself, not letting her worry or stress about things. She doesn't have any things to worry or stress about doing the lawns and things like that. Not because it's the manly thing to do, just because it's part of a partnership helping out with the laundry, letting the kids participate in the house and letting them do their own chores in the house, loving that woman, showing her what love is, adoring every fibre of her so she feels safe in his love. You can't tell me that. Then her femininity won't blossom. Then she won't want to care for you, run you a bath, scratch your hair, scratch your back, ask you how your day has been, to ask you how you are, want to love and care for you and nurture and protect you and provide for you and protect you. And look, I love your kids as you would. You can't tell me that won't happen.

Speaker 1: 10:31

What is going on with us men, guys, what is going on? We've really dropped the ball. What is going on? And my honest take on this is we are scared. Everywhere I go, I sit with my female friends and they say, oh man, there's no real man. Oh, man is shit. Man is shit and not to you know, alienate all my female listeners. But then I look at the men that you are naturally attracted to, men you go for, whichever man you talk about, and I'm like well, from the start I could have told you that was a red flag. I could have told you that's not the man for you. Or why do you keep going there? It's not men are shit, it's the men that you go after are shit, but also the men that are meaning. Well, we just don't know anymore.

Speaker 1: 11:22

The waters aren't uncertain Before. A man will come with a flower to your door. A man will ask you on a date. He will keep courting you. He will. With a flower to your door, a man will ask you on a date. He will keep courting you. He'll be persistent if he wants to. Now, if I'm persistent, it's like oh, you're weird, you're creepy. Just take no, a man fought for what they wanted. They courted, they wanted a woman that went for it. Nothing would get in their way. But now it's very unfamiliar waters for us.

Speaker 1: 11:55

I keep hearing this thing of guys that have girlfriends and girlfriends will say to me yeah, he doesn't do anything, we just sit at home, sit on the bed and watch movies, watch TV. Come on, guys, I understand there's a space for that, I understand that it's time for that as well, and I agree, I love doing those things. I love to sit down and not think and not do any. You know, I just enjoy that. But also, it's got to be balanced. How boring is that Every night doing the same thing?

Speaker 1: 12:29

Mix it up, do a random Kmart trip. Both of you get in your comfies and just drive them by snacks and just go there and just buy things you don't need. But it's not even buying, it's also just getting out of the house. It's at night just going. Hey, babe, let's buy a takeaway Maccas driving somewhere, just a spot, drive there and open the boot of the car and sit there and just have a meal in there. It doesn't have to be a candle. Just you both Just do that and then talk about things.

Speaker 1: 13:02

I don't go to do that anymore, driving to, going down to the gorge and walking around there or finding somewhere and just sit there and have a sneaky, sneaky make-out session, waking up in the morning going, hey, let's go for a hike here. Or hey, let's go for a drive to somewhere in this place Devil's Corner and let's have a pizza and listen to live music. Let's go to this vineyard and have a cheese platter and then go back home. It's not about getting drunk, it's just doing something being fun. I don't know, it's a very taboo topic that I'd like to get into, but I think I would like to have a foot back and forth with someone. So I think that's probably what I'd come to have next time about relationship. But thanks for listening, guys. Just a quick thought. All right, have a good day. Deuces.