Start of Nothing Special Podcast
Imagine a space where men can openly express their thoughts, share their experiences, and support one another. Envision candid discussions where vulnerability is considered a strength, and each shared story provides insight and encouragement to others.
Welcome to my channel, Start of Nothing Special (SONS). My name is David, and I am pleased to introduce you to this new platform created for men from all walks of life to come together and discuss their personal journeys.
Join me as I lay the groundwork for a platform that goes beyond being just a channel—it is a movement. Tune in as I articulate my vision and invite you to join us on this collective journey towards self-improvement. Through open dialogues and shared life lessons, we aim to build a community rooted in mutual growth and understanding.
Welcome to the beginning of something truly significant.
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Start of Nothing Special Podcast
Navigating Love in the Digital Age
Today's conversation navigates the complexities of modern relationships, focusing on rising single parenthood and the struggles with commitment. We discuss communication breakdowns, societal expectations of masculinity and femininity, and the influence of generational trauma on today's love lives.
• The rise of single parent households and its implications
• Importance of open communication in relationships
• How past traumas influence current dynamics
• Debating healthy masculinity and femininity
• Effects of generational trauma on modern love
• The impact of digital culture on dating behaviours
• Encouraging listener engagement and discussion
If you never try, you will never know
Have you noticed that there's a lot of divorce, a lot of relationship breakups and a lot of single parents emerging everywhere? I've definitely noticed it and I've been unsure whether to touch on this topic, because it's a very tricky one to really break down. On one hand, I'm all for anyone. If you don't feel safe, you don't feel respected, you don't feel loved to live a situation, I'm all for that, no matter who you are. On the other hand, I'm all for something bigger than us commitment, sacrifice struggles, commitment, sacrifice struggles. Now, I don't mean to disrespect anyone's situation, for whatever reason why you find yourself single and with kids, whether you're male or female. I just want to ask the question what's happening? I just want to ask the question what's happening? I know some of my friends they're single because, unfortunately, their partner passed away. But for the majority, I argue and would say that they're single because lack of commitment or lack of communication or understanding. And I don't mean that communication where you yell at the girl and you tell her she's hurt your feelings and then you expect her to listen and problem solve. No, I mean you allow each other to come in a safe. We listen. We don't judge atmosphere. You listen actively, actively listen to what she is telling you that you are not achieving for her and vice versa. You listen to what he's saying and you find a compromise or you find a middle ground, understanding that a lot of your problems are stemming from past things, a lot of the reason I find out why people break up. I listen to it and I'm like did you try, did you discuss, did you allow room for both of you to heal? Relationship is in a very interesting place right now, and these are just my thoughts. I see lots of people rushing into relationship, people going from one thing to another to another. Yet those same people will go to the other relationship to the other, relationship to the other, relationship with the same narrative of oh, that he was a dickhead, or she was a dickhead or she was a terrible person. It just sounds to me that you, the individual, haven't taken time for yourself to work on yourself and understand yourself. We're all. I think that's where this actually stands for. We're in this stage in life where empowerment and I don't wish to alienate my female listeners, just bear with me, let me cook A lot of you are getting out of something terrible and then creating this armor around yourself and then that becomes your personality.
Speaker 1:You're not understanding that you can go through an experience, learn from it and understand that. It's one of those things where we go through life and we're always filtering through what information we take. We take something, we hold on to it. We go, oh, that relates to me. Oh, I can understand that, take that on. Oh, that's a good advice I can resonate with that. I'll hold on to that. And then we have some other advices on other things and we go, no, that doesn't translate, that doesn't resonate with me, so I'll drop it, I'll let it go. That's the same thing with the relationship. I see.
Speaker 1:I see relationship as just because this guy or girl hurt you doesn't mean that all of a sudden that all the guys and girls will hurt you, and every scenario and situation is different. Speaking from a man's point of view, we are scared, I'm terrified to let my heart on a line to let you guys in, because you guys are scary In the power that you've been given. Some of you guys are abusing that power as a form of control and a form of using, as a coldness, and that's not to excuse men, because, men, we've lost our plot. It may be a result of such a society and where we are, but we're afraid of masculinity. A lot of guys are afraid of masculinity. There is nothing wrong with being masculine. There is nothing wrong with it. Toxic and masculinity were never meant to be in the same word or in the same sentence. Sorry, there's masculinity and then there's just being toxic. A man can definitely speak to you in a disrespectful way and definitely do things and carry himself in a very toxic way, but masculinity in itself is not a bad thing, just like femininity is not a bad thing.
Speaker 1:When you find your right partner, when you find the person that you're meant to be with as men, we don't have to worry about masculinity and women. You don't have to worry about your femininity, because they both complement each other. If a man is glowing in his masculinity, he will shower you with that and, as a result, that will allow your femininity to blossom. We were never meant to be at odds. We were never meant to go against each other. We were created to complement each other, each other. We were created to complement each other. Men and women, women and women, men and men were created to complement each other.
Speaker 1:My masculinity is like a puzzle piece that just matches perfectly with your femininity. If I come into a room with energy, with confidence that I have within myself not because I'm being egotistical, not because I know I'm a man, I'm confident, I have pride in myself I walk into this room with confidence, head held high, femininity would naturally be drawn to that. It's like ooh, he has a sense of confidence. You know there's this trend that's going around oh, short kings, short kings and women saying they'll give up a million dollars to be with a tall man. Guys, you've missed the plot. Women, absolutely. Yes, tall kings are gorgeous too, but it's the idea of. If you ask a lot of women why a tall man, they will say the same thing oh, because I feel safe. Oh, because he's big and he's bigger than me and it makes me feel safe. Obviously, safety can also be a spiritual thing or an emotional thing. It can be a mental thing. It's not necessarily always like a man being big and you feel safe. It's also how he loves you and he's loving you. You feel safe in that.
Speaker 1:But we've all lost it. We've all lost the understanding of what this was meant to be. And this is things that because one party is saying, oh, toxic masculinity and the other party is saying, well, I can't do anything because I'm just a man, that's a creepy guy, that I can't say anything, I don't do anything. Men are not taking charge, women are taking charge. Again, I'm not saying that taking charge is a bad thing. That is not what I am saying. I'm saying in this context, in this scenario, that femininity it is a beautiful thing and masculinity is a beautiful thing when they are both together. Look at how our parents or our grandparents and I apologize if your parents aren't together, that's a different topic to get into. But the people that have made it and you look at them, look at how they are. There is a clear and abundant understanding of what they bring to the table and who they are.
Speaker 1:In that relationship they don't find themselves in each other. No, they find themselves and they just work well together. The woman knows her position. I mow the lawn because I enjoy doing that, and he understands that. I go out and play croquet with the ladies because that's something I enjoy. He stays home and reads a newspaper and I don't bother ladies because that's something I enjoy. He stays home and reads a newspaper and I don't bother him because that's what he enjoys. That's his chair over there. I don't sit on it because that's his space, that's where he marks. I know that if he comes home from work I hand him a beer, then he'll be good, he'll be happy. I know that if I allow him space and love on him, then what he does for me is he makes me feel safe. He provides for my family. He is a great father. He is there, he plays with the kids, he goes to work. He's a good man. He's not a perfect man, but he's a good man. He's my man or he's just my woman.
Speaker 1:Where did we go wrong? And I'd love for you guys to get involved in this. I would love for you guys to get involved, get involved in a discussion. Tell me why you believe that relationships are in such a disarray right now, where so many people are breaking up, so many divorces. I know there's a bigger picture that I'd love to have a back and forth with you guys. But what is it?
Speaker 1:I caught up with a best mate of mine and he just had a beautiful, beautiful little kid and he had this from the outside, this picturesque picture, perfect life, and with a sad look on his face he said nah man. We broke up and that broke my heart. I was sad. What's going on? Why is it so common and again, I am a product of a single parent, so I know I can definitely empathize with this but why is there so many single parents now? And, as a result, these moms are now having to take on the masculine part of you. They're now creating this masculine element to provide for the child that you are no longer able to look after. You should sacrifice and do everything. Being a parent is sacrificing.
Speaker 1:I am a product of a single mom, but I learned the opposite. Until two years ago, I didn't know my real father. I had a stepdad who again, like I said in the previous video, he did the best he could with what he had. My mum definitely had to take on all the different roles in my life the auntie, the mum, the father every punch she had to take on for me. I learnt a lot from my mum to make me the the auntie, the mum, the father every punch she had to take on for me. I learnt a lot from my mum to make me the man I am today. That's why nothing will ever get to me, because the strongest woman I have ever seen is my mum. What she had to go through, what she had to put up with. So my sense of pride comes from my mum. So that's why, whatever I say, I stand by it. I'm 10 toes in.
Speaker 1:But, guys, what do we need to do? Tell me, I have no idea, I don't have the answers. What do we need to do? What me? I have no idea, I don't have the answers. What do we need to do? What is it that we've gotten so wrong? Why are we now a bunch of single guys moving from one girl to another? Why are we now a single mom with three, four kids going from one partner to another? Building this resentment, building this hardened shell, or the opposite, basically just allowing and accepting whatever comes through the door? What is it? Can't date anyone.
Speaker 1:I just feel like everyone's interested in games. I, I, I want to be able to meet someone, say, hey, I see you as a potential wife. I want to take in a few dates, get a feel for you. We start dating and potentially look at getting married. No, we've got to play games. We've got to like each other's posts and we don't like it, Then we've got to do the whole. Has he looked at my video or my story? Or has he liked it or he hasn't liked it? Okay, who is he friends with? Or he's friends with that, you know that bitch or that person? Okay, well, I'm mad at him, so I'll block him. I don't want to deal with him, so I'll block him. I don't want to have a discussion with him. I don't want to be faced with the consequences of my actions, so I'll block her. You know, I don't want to be a man and stand up, so I'll block them and I'll do this, I'll do that and it's just all that. Oh, I'm with a woman that doesn't necessarily know how to cook or look after a family, and we're all like this, odds and ends, not again not attacking anyone that can't cook, no, no, I'm just speaking for um.
Speaker 1:Generally, we're all at odds with each other. Our real life has now turned into our online. We don't know how to communicate to each other. Our real life has now turned into our online. We don't know how to communicate to each other. We don't have the skills to communicate to each other. We don't have the skills to adequately work through conflict.
Speaker 1:My personal experience every time I've had a conflict with a female. It's comical. You can't block me in real life but hey, they'll go on those socials and remove you. We had a conflict. The normal thing to do is discuss it, work through it, a middle ground or, if there isn't one, just actually just talk it. But we just don't want to do that anymore because, oh, we've confused online with real life. I find it so comical when people delete me. What happens when you see me in real life? Do I disappear? Blurry to you.
Speaker 1:Now we don't have the skills, guys. We do not possess the skill as men or women or however you identify, to deal with anything. We're a bunch of hurt people, a bunch of traumatized people carrying so much generational trauma, and we're taking it onto our, giving it to our kids and taking it onto the next generation. And we have no idea, we're afraid to commit because, hey, look at the world, look at the state. Nothing is promised, nothing is determined, nothing is forever.
Speaker 1:So why would I commit? Why do I to commit when, when I can get instant gratification, why do I need to commit to this one girl or this one guy when I can go and find another girl or guy and get that instant gratification? Why do I need to stay in this scenario when I can find something else? Because, oh go me. Man power, woman power. Why do I need to try when I don't need to try? I can just go online and use my thumb to flick right, flick left to unsuspecting victims and say all these sweet nothings to her and hurt her feelings and destroy her. And then, oh, she's a bitch, she's crazy. And then move on to the next and keep doing that, and then now she's like, oh well, man is shit, so then she takes that into her life. I just have the questions, guys. I don't have the answers. I just question what is going on.
Speaker 1:Select a few of you guys that are listening that have a loving partner. I'm very, very happy for you, and maybe you guys need to get in the comments and tell us how you guys make it work. For the rest of us that are trying to figure out this new game with no referees, no rules, I'm all ears. What is it? How do we fix us? Because men, you're no longer men. If you can't commit to something, if you can't sacrifice, you're not a man. If you can't look yourself in the mirror and face the truth of what's going on, that you are the sole reason of your problems.
Speaker 1:I am the reason for my problems. I know that A lot of situations I've gotten myself into is because David doesn't sit down. When something's happening, I stand up and say actually no, with my chest all out, and that gets me in a lot of trouble. I am always questioning and that's why I get in trouble. I'm the only one that questions.
Speaker 1:Everyone bows their head and goes oh, that's just the way it is. And I go well, hang on. Why is that the way it is? Why do I, as a man, have to feel so, so uncomfortable in my workplace? And when I bring it up with my superiors, they tell me turn the other cheek. As a man, why do I have to keep turning the other cheek? Why isn't a straight dismissal for the aggressor? Why? Oh, because I'm the man and the aggressor is a female. Okay, that's never been enough for me to sit down and just watch.
Speaker 1:No question why, as a man or as a black man, I'm being always used as an example, always used as an example. In every scenario. I'm the one that goes oh well, we'll use you as an example, we'll use you to enforce things because, oh yeah, you'd be the perfect example. Why not use George or Liam or someone else? Don't use me. Anyway, I don't know if you guys have followed along. I have just sat here and just basically opened my mouth and just rambled for 21 minutes and I hope there is some substance to it, and if not, hey, we'll just flag this one as a blooper. But thank you for listening. I do mean it, though. Please get in the comments section and just get it. Let's start a discussion.
Speaker 1:I want to hear what your thoughts are on the current state of relationship. Do you think we're fine? Do you follow a different belief? Are we okay? Is everything okay? Is it just me being negative or otherwise? What's going on? Why are there so many single mums? Why are there so many single people and why are people afraid to commit? And what's going on in the state of relationship? Does it have something to do with something bigger than us? Go, get involved. I want to hear your opinions, your thoughts. Once again, thank you for tuning in. To Sons, my name is David aka Cairo and I hope you have a great day. Slash night, slash morning. I do appreciate you for listening and, like always, I'll catch you in the next one.
