Start of Nothing Special Podcast
Imagine a space where men can openly express their thoughts, share their experiences, and support one another. Envision candid discussions where vulnerability is considered a strength, and each shared story provides insight and encouragement to others.
Welcome to my channel, Start of Nothing Special (SONS). My name is David, and I am pleased to introduce you to this new platform created for men from all walks of life to come together and discuss their personal journeys.
Join me as I lay the groundwork for a platform that goes beyond being just a channel—it is a movement. Tune in as I articulate my vision and invite you to join us on this collective journey towards self-improvement. Through open dialogues and shared life lessons, we aim to build a community rooted in mutual growth and understanding.
Welcome to the beginning of something truly significant.
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Start of Nothing Special Podcast
Finding Home: Navigating Identity as a Black Refugee in White Australia
*Trigger Warning Discussion of Suicide*
David shares his profound journey of cultural displacement after moving from Africa to Australia as a child in 2004. The painful experience of being the only black student in his class, navigating conflicting cultural values, and finding himself caught between two worlds eventually led to depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
• Moving to Australia in 2004 meant experiencing vastly different cultural norms and expectations
• Struggled with conflicting values – communal African household vs individualistic Australian society
• Used humour as a shield and became socially adaptable but never felt like he truly belonged anywhere
• Depression creates an isolating experience where you feel uniquely alone even when surrounded by support
• Many who appear confident and happy are often struggling with hidden mental health challenges
• Cultural attitudes toward mental health ("just don't be sad") prevented seeking proper help
• Depression can escalate to anxiety, overthinking, and suicidal ideation when left unchecked
I'll be cutting my dreadlocks to raise funds for men's mental health. Please share resources that have helped you in the comments, recommend trustworthy mental health charities, and consider donating or sharing the fundraising page when it launches.
If you never try, you will never know
I remember when we first moved here from Africa. It was 2004. There was a lot of new experiences. Some of those the airport, the mixtures of coffee smell, fast food, everything all together. I remember struggling with that, all together. I remember struggling with that. I remember when my brother and I got enrolled into the Christian school Launceston Christian School an incredibly great school. I remember some of the experiences I had, learning a new culture. I remember seeing my peers how they talked back to teachers, which was very foreign to me. I remember all the different procedures that took place in this school. Notably, I remember more that sense of being alone because I was the only black guy in the classroom at that time. I was the only black guy in the classroom at that time. In later years that changed, but I remember being the only black guy and I stood out Because I was still trying to understand the new way of life while I still had my culture as a 10 year old.
Speaker 1:A lot of the big words that I know now I didn't know back then. Back then, growing up in this system, there was a lot of things that I felt conflicted with. Because here I am as a 10, 11, you know, 13, as you know, the years going on trying to understand this new culture. But also I have a black family where we have our own ways and culture. So I'm, and my sibling and anyone else that's moved here from any from another part of the world, you're in this balance of trying to learn this new culture while also keeping yours into your home, because kids were allowed to speak their mind and speak back and have a say.
Speaker 1:But I couldn't take that home and speak back to my mum. I couldn't slam doors. I couldn't speak loud or aggressive towards my parents. I'm dolls. I couldn't speak loud or aggressive towards my parents. There wasn't this sense of my own, because I'd listen to my friends and they would say, yeah, my room, my PlayStation, my shoes, my this, my that Whereas at home it was our home, everything was to be shared.
Speaker 1:I couldn't close my bedroom door Because it's not my door, it's mum and dad's door. I couldn't have a specific toy that was exclusively mine that I played with. It was the kids' it was our toy. So if I'm playing with it and my sibling wants to play with it or someone else, I give it to them and they play with it because we're sharing together it's our toy, everything we bought was for the family. I didn't necessarily have rights to anything, whereas with my friends I'd go to parties or hang out with them and it was very clear that's theirs, that's their bike, that's their shoe, that's their drink bottle.
Speaker 1:The way I spoke was definitely different. My views, the way I carried myself was very different and, as a result, that then created this isolation on my part, which was the starting point of this new word that I learned called depression. It's interesting because depression makes you feel like you're alone, like you are the only one going through this. There is no one else, just you. It's uniquely your problem and no one else will understand. That's the disease of depression. That's what it makes you feel.
Speaker 1:Taking that and mixing it with puberty and growing up, where we are all trying to rediscover ourselves. We're all changing. The girls are developing, they're becoming young women, the boys are becoming young men, the shoulders are getting broader, taller, deeper voices. We're all at this stage of trying to find ourselves. Meanwhile, we have this influx of chemicals and hormones that's going on in men and the women and we're all trying to figure out who we are, where we belong, in place, the friends we had. All of a sudden we start to pull away and make new friends. We go to new school, find new interests, new friends. We go to new school, find new interests.
Speaker 1:At school I didn't have anywhere that I sort of belonged and I've always thought it was a good thing and I think I still, maybe to this day. I still think it's a good thing because I would hang out with the popular kids at school and I could have a conversation with them the popular rich kids. But I wasn't part of them. I was still very much not one of them because I was a refugee from Africa. Their parents own businesses, a wealthy, have four or five cars. They have their own room, a big backyard. But I could still assimilate and I could still talk to them. I was the funny guy. I tried to find a way in with everybody because I felt insecure. Maybe I use humour as a shield. So I would hang out with the popular cool kids and then talk with them. Then I would go and hang out with the smart, nerdy crew and I could still hang out with them. I could hang out with the sportier crew and make conversations. Still, I could hang out with the I don't know how appropriate way to put this, but they're not so popular kids and still find something to relate with them, but I never felt like I had a place that was mine or somewhere where I was fully comfortable, and that has been my whole life.
Speaker 1:I think for any kid finding your place is difficult as it is. As a young man, finding your place is also difficult and on top of that, as a black young man, finding your place is quite difficult. It was a battle between David you're not these people. Don't bring that at home here. Don't forget who you are. Don't bring that at home here. Don't forget who you are. Don't forget how I raised you Versus. She can't tell you what to do. You have rights, you know.
Speaker 1:I want to focus more on that feeling of depression Because, as I understand it and as I understand it, I don't think a lot of us know really what it looks like. I think we see the result of it the outside of it, but we don't know what it's like going through it. I think every young person absolutely has gone through it, but sometimes it's well hidden. I think you'll find it interesting that the most jovial, sometimes the most happy, the most loud, the most people that come across confident are going through a battle. They know what it feels like. So, as a result, they don't want you to feel that. So to go above and beyond I think that's what we call sometimes as a people pleaser. Maybe I feel like no one would go above and beyond for me, so I'll do it for you, because I know what it feels like. It was hard going through this and not being able to share that with my parents because they just didn't understand. We don't. I've got to be careful what I say here, because this is just my experience. But there's no such thing as depression. If you're sad, just don't be sad. If you're depressed, just don't be depressed.
Speaker 1:Many nights I felt alone, I felt confused. I felt like an alien in a lot of different places. I just felt like I didn't belong. I just felt like I was in someone else's skin playing a part. I felt like no one could see me, no one cared. I felt lost. I'd go home and I'd lose myself in. My electrical demons started to pop up, because depression is like the start of the sprinkles on a cake.
Speaker 1:You have anxiety, you have suicidal, you have suicidal ideations, and they all came. Believe me, they all came, I started worrying about everything, overthinking everything. I started worrying about everything, overthinking everything, because if I overthink it and I control it, then I'll be fine. Then the suicidal thoughts came along. Well, if I don't belong anywhere and no one sees or cares about me, then why do I need to be here? Why should I be here, would my parents notice? Would I wasn't given the tools to deal with all these emotions, all these new things?
Speaker 1:I don't think any young person is given the tools. They give you pamphlets and they say if you need help, support, if you want to talk to someone, go and talk to this stranger. But think about this for a second. How many young people have you tried to have a conversation with? Have you tried to pry information out of, let alone a young man, trying to get them to open up and tell you about the fact that they feel angry all the time. They feel frustrated, feel unheard angry all the time they feel frustrated, feel unheard. They're repressing all this emotion, which later on turns into something that's absolutely toxic and disgusting as lifting a hand onto another human being. That comes from repression.
Speaker 1:A lot of times we pay attention to the end result, what's come as a result of something that's underlining. I don't think anyone truly wakes up or is born evil, but I think there are steps, there are signs of some things. You can't help and again, I have to be careful because I do not want to be insensitive to anybody. But there's this rollercoaster, there's this domino effect that if it's not checked, it grows and grows and grows. And if you don't know what you're looking for, you don't know, you don't see it. All the people we've lost through suicide. We beat ourselves saying, oh, if only I knew. You know, I wish I could have done something. Sometimes you can't do anything, but sometimes you can.
Speaker 1:I don't think anyone deserves to go through that pain, because speaking from someone that is, it is a disease again that makes you feel so alone. It isolates you. People around you saying we love you, we care about you, but you don't hear that. You do not hear that. You're in this dark place. People are talking at you. It feels like they're talking at you and their caring almost seems condescending, disingenuous, which doesn't make sense, because they're saying hey, come out for a drink. Hey, come out, come to our house, let's hang out. Hey, I'm going to this event, you should come. All you're hearing is, oh, being around people. I don't want to be around people, or they're having sympathy for me. Pity for me. I don't want pity.
Speaker 1:As someone that went through and have tried on numerous occasions, I'm lucky to be here, if not for the love and care for specific people, so I don't have the answers of how to fix this. I don't know what the answer is. Lots of people in my life gave me pamphlets, said this and that, and truthfully, I don't feel as though they really helped. It was a fight within myself that I had to find myself, that I had to find, so I want to that. I am going to raise a fund, do fundraising. I don't know who to go to, who to give the funds that are raised. I'm going to be cutting my hair, my dreadlocks and for my friends, family, strangers, I'd love if you show some support in raising some funds and all the money that's raised from that I will donate to a charity for men's mental health.
Speaker 1:If you've had these feelings, if you can relate, if you have used any resources, please put it in the comments so we all. This could be a community where we all can learn from one another. This could be a community where we all can learn from one another and please give me recommendations of charities that you trust and know that can and will help. So I will create a fundraising page and I'd love if even if you't donate money just to share the page for someone else Share this video and I'll set a date of when this will go on. But I'll live cast it and I'll go live and I'll showcase the cutting process and whatever is raised I will donate to a charity. I don't have the answers, but I'm just being brave enough to ask the questions. Thanks, guys.
