Start of Nothing Special Podcast
Imagine a space where men can openly express their thoughts, share their experiences and support one another. Envision candid discussions where vulnerability is considered a strength, where each shared story provides insight and encouragement to others.
Welcome to my channel, Start of Nothing Special (SONS). My name is David and I am pleased to introduce you to this new platform created for men from all walks of life to come together and discuss their personal journeys.
Join me as I lay the groundwork for a platform that goes beyond being just a channel, it is a movement. Tune in as I articulate my vision and invite you to join me on this collective journey towards self-improvement. Through open dialogues and shared life lessons, I aim to build a community rooted in mutual growth and understanding.
Welcome to the beginning of something truly significant.
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Start of Nothing Special Podcast
Final episode - Culture is Everything: How This Space Real Estate is Changing Property Management
We explore the complex journey of developing empathy and emotional intelligence, especially for those who pride themselves on resilience and problem-solving. Through personal stories and reflections, we uncover how relationships transform when we learn to balance logical thinking with emotional understanding.
• Learning to develop empathy as an adult despite a tough upbringing
• Finding inspiration in family members and friends who demonstrate integrity
• The struggle between being solution-focused and emotionally present
• Recognizing personal limits and the importance of self-care
• Approaching spirituality with openness and respect for different perspectives
• Modeling healthy masculinity and fatherhood through example and communication
• The value of expressing love openly to those who matter most
• Growing through discomfort by facing new challenges
• The importance of understanding others' perspectives
• Taking responsibility for creating positive change in your life
Put yourself in positions where you're scared out of your brain. That feeling won't last - challenges that terrify you today will become manageable through experience. Growth happens at the edges of your comfort zone.
Stay alert, stay safe
If you never try, you will never know
I promise you that If something needs doing, I'll stay up until 1 am and fix it. If I need to, I'll get it done no matter what. But the negative side of that is that I've lacked quite a lot of empathy and I've realized that, as I'm getting older, I struggle because I'll have someone else that I care very much about whether it be my kids, my partner, my dad, a friend, or even just people in general and they'll be faced with a struggle that, to me is this, to them it's this but, that's perspective right it's very hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes but that's what you've got to do
Speaker 1:yeah, that's what I'm learning is that I'll be like what are you worried about that? For well, that's nothing like. My mom tried to kill herself in front of me a few times and I was like nothing. But you're worried about, your boss is a little bit upset about something. So I've struggled a little bit in relationships with that because I've had to sort of teach myself empathy. The other thing I'm kind of learning is that I have limits. I just don't think I appreciate them. My brain doesn't let me appreciate them, but I have them.
Speaker 1:My partner is very good for that. She teaches me and she says to me this is our thing, she's learned me so well. She'll say when I'm feeling she's got a pretty high threshold herself. She's like when I'm out of fuel, I know you're a day off, right, and you won't show it though, you just crack at the end of it. So with the business it'll be like six or seven or eight days straight working long hours, and if she's spent, she knows that I'm getting there because I carry it so well that no one will know. But then it'll all come crashing down, but but only for a little bit. It'll come crashing down for a couple of hours and then I'm fine again. But the reality is that my cup's been full for a couple of days. I just haven't let anyone know, so yeah, I think that's good and bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, who inspires you? Oh, my sister. There's a lot of people that inspire me. You know there's a lot of people in the industry. There's a lot of people that have been in my life and inspire me.
Speaker 1:I think, yeah, three major people that come into my life or come into my come to mind sorry is my sister, for all the reasons I just said my best friend shay. He's the most genuine person I've ever met my entire life. That you know like group of guys growing up and all the guys are sort of doing some shady stuff and it's all fine because you're all guys. He was the guy that didn't. He's never did the wrong thing and if he did, he'd say like, hey, I did, and it always just blew my mind.
Speaker 1:Growing up, I've hopefully come a long way, but growing up I was sort of like why? But why are you being so good for you don't need it. No one is judging you, but he would always do the right thing. I think he's a big part of my life and my dad. He has had a lot of struggles in his life and he just keeps being good, consistently, very genuine, very hard working, never asks for a thanks and if you give him a thanks, he's still like, oh, it's all right. He literally has no expectation for a thanks ever, but he has single-handedly kept my mum okay for 20 years and trust me when I say that would be one of the most difficult things anyone could ever do but she's very hard.
Speaker 1:Just a week ago he booked a trip to melbourne with her to take her away. That is one of the most impossible things you could possibly do, and he did that because it's the right thing to do. Yeah, I was like, definitely, come on. I was worried in my brain yeah, you're lost just quickly something you said before.
Speaker 2:I want to sort of zero in on that a little bit, about how it's not a trait unique to you. A lot of other guys share that learning. You said before about learning empty, opening your foot in the other shoe, or where to you something is a non-issue or a minor issue, but to everyone else it is. Now I want to more focus on the relationship part, part of thing. How did that like? Give me a real world example of when. How did that affect your relationships? Specifically, if you're dating women, how have you learned to if you're still learning?
Speaker 2:obviously, you understand that just because for me it's a half empty doesn't mean that to you it's a half empty.
Speaker 1:Yeah, be half full, sort of thing like how are you going to explain it? I think there's a lot of examples. I'm trying to think of a couple of good ones. My partner at the moment is a very tough person, but some things will come up and my partner like I said, a very tough person will have some situations. I'm trying to think of one in particular. But she'll have a situation where, to me, I'm just like and I almost get angry because I'm like what are you worried about that? For what are you doing? And my response is like wait, that's nothing at all, just move on from that, don't worry about that, just keep going, it's fine, don't worry about it. And she'll be upset about the situation and be really bothering her. And then she'll be upset with me because I wasn't empathetic to her, because then she'll be like you don't even care, like you're not even listening, you don't feel what I feel. And you're my partner, I'm supposed to lean on, you're supposed to be my safe space. And she'll say the challenging thing of being with me is that sometimes she just wants a cuddle. And for me to express to her that I understand and that it's okay to be upset about something, rather than me giving logic, I'm very logical like do this, this, this and this, move on, don't worry about it. Or if you did this, it wouldn't happen. But I try to give a bit of both now. I think it's hard, she's learning me, I'm learning her. This is an example.
Speaker 1:There was another example with my daughter as well. My eldest I've got two one's my partners, one's mine, but they're both ours and my eldest she, um, I've had to. I was a very tough dad, loved her to bits, but very tough, because my childhood versus her childhood is very different. If she had any situation where I don't know what was going on like something at school, you know someone's bullying her she might be like oh, this kid said this, it's really upset me. And she's really upset. She might be in tears about it. You know, obviously I'll be like oh, okay, it's okay, but I'll have this little thing in the back of my mind. It's like that's nothing compared to what I went through. So I'm like it's all right, keep moving. But she needs me to be the dad that is empathetic and say, hey, it's okay.
Speaker 2:So it's hard, the same thing as we balance yeah, and, like I said before, it's not something that's just unique to one, unfortunate to all of us. Yeah, because I can empathize with the feeling of it's not a big deal, or my own struggle is I try to look at everything logically, which doesn't leave room for emotions, so I've been cutting down. You know, logically what's the issue? Well, let's focus on the solution. I know what the problem is, what's the solution, and that has failed me a lot in relationships where they just wanted to feel, heard, seen and acknowledged, where I've just gone in and tried to find a resolution.
Speaker 2:You know I think that's what we do, and it's not so much that they need you to fix it. They're telling that they just need you to listen and empathize. And I think that's what we do. And it's not so much that they need you to fix it. They're telling that they just need you to listen and empathize. And I think, guys, sometimes we call it nagging, but the reason why she keeps repeating is because you haven't actually listened the first time, so it sounds like nagging, but it's because she's having to say it again and again. It might not be uniquely just a woman. It could be if you're in a same-sex relationship. One of your partners is trying to convey something to you and you're not hearing that to the core.
Speaker 2:So, that's why I wanted to zero in on the idea of learning a balance.
Speaker 1:My biggest thing is I teach my children time is the most important thing in the world. If you said to my daughters what's the most important thing, they should say time, and what that means is what you do with your time. So it's a balancing act because, you know, I'm trying to build this business, which is taking most of my time, but I'm missing some time spending time with them, like just this weekend. You know we did some stuff together, but it reminds you, how do you balance that? And that's it when we're talking about being empathetic. There's only so many times, if we're talking about children, your friends or your partner, that they're going to come to you and say, hey, I need a shoulder, you know, and emotionally they just want a shoulder. They don't want advice, they don't want the solution. My partner mostly knows the solutions, to be honest with you.
Speaker 2:She already knows what I'm going to say and she'll say I don't really know what you're going to say, but don't give me that shit.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. And same for us, I think, as blokes right, I think that a hug. And I said to a good friend of mine, very good friend of mine, he's a wonderful man. I lunched on the other day. He said we were talking about this and I said to him you've got to say I love you to people. If you love them, say it and normalize it. And I've done that about three years ago.
Speaker 1:Good, I love it I resonate with that it's my best friend and my dad and two people that pop into mind a lot as soon as I'm on the phone to them I love you, all right. And then I remember when I started doing this with my dad he was like but now I, sometimes, I test it. Now, sometimes I'm like I see that I love you, mate. Yeah, you should do that with your friends, your family and everyone that you love. You don't know when you're gonna get to say it last so just say it every time, you know I mean yeah normalize it.
Speaker 1:It's a bit awkward at first, but you gotta normalize that.
Speaker 2:We.
Speaker 1:We we're getting there voice to text one of the best things of the evolution of technology the evolution of technology with the voice to text. You use voice to text a bit. That's perfect for getting your emotions If you're having a moment. I don't know if you're an emotional man yourself. I'm a bit of an emotional man at best times.
Speaker 1:I'll be driving along in the car and I'll think, yeah, I really appreciated that person or something, or I need to tell that person something. But I'm driving along, now I don'turt it out and click send. I don't even think about it, just send it. I just get a message out of nowhere that says hey look, I really appreciate what you've done here. Staff members I do it probably too much with staff members. They think they're getting a promotion every week. I'll be like, hey, you're doing a great job, because I'll think it, but what's the point of it being in here if it's not said Are you a religious man?
Speaker 2:What does spirituality mean to you? What does it look like? No, I mean.
Speaker 1:I'm not really. I grew up learning the Bible. My parents are both Christian, so I learned a lot about it, which I am very grateful for. I think there's a lot of good morals in the Bible. I think there's a lot of good teachings. I don't believe there's not a God, if that makes sense, but I don't practice believing in God as such. So I think the biggest thing I could say about religion is that I've got an open mind. So I'm big on this and I'll say this to anyone Just because you don't understand something or don't believe in something doesn't mean that you know better or you can tell them what to believe and what not to, and that goes on both sides.
Speaker 1:If you are not religious, don't tell people that are religious that they're wrong because you don't know and that's their faith. Right, that's what they might be living for. So shut up, just leave it. And the same side if you're religious and you want to tell someone else to believe in a different religion or believe in a religion and they don't want to, that's their problem. You can live the way you want to live. Just live in peace Either way. That's my big thing.
Speaker 2:So what governs you for Christians, that's what governs us. Don't kill, don't steal, it's all normal.
Speaker 1:I had this conversation with my daughter the other day. We were talking about going to a school and it's a Christian school, and she said oh, but I'm not Christian, or what if they want me to be Christian? She's not against it, by the way. She actually says well, whatever you decide with your religion, it's entirely up to you. I'm what I know and what I think I know. But at the end of the day, I think the big thing is that you don't know. That's my belief.
Speaker 1:I think that we're not supposed to know. There's too much in the world. Obviously, all of it. We're spinning perfectly on an axis, but it never goes the wrong way. Perfect gravity, but not too much, not too little. But the sun, the perfect distance away. We're warm, not dying, not freezing to death, but we're not burning to death either. All of that just can't be coincidence. It has to come from something. But I think the beauty of it is that we don't know. I don't think we're supposed to know, in my opinion, I have this conversation a lot with my dad.
Speaker 1:He goes ah, you believe in this. I say well, whether it's true or not, you're having faith. Yes, and he'll say yes, I'm having faith. The definition. That's faith and that's a beautiful thing and what governs me. I think I've definitely got a lot of Christian values instilled into me because that's how I was raised. So the Ten Commandments are inside me and I think they're a bit of a foundation as such, but I don't practice. So I think I have a consciousness. I think that's the most important part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a consciousness to know the good and yeah.
Speaker 1:For instance, a good example, right? I no good, and yeah, yeah, you know. For instance, go a good example, right? I don't blaspheme in front of my dad. No, I don't blaspheme a lot in general because I was taught not to do that. If someone does, I'm like you know, and I think that's not so much because it upsets me because I believe that it upsets god, but it's because it upset my dad and it might upset other people. So I'm like just don't say what's the point if it could upset someone and people say, oh, I can do what I want. It's like you can be. If you know that it's going to upset someone, what's the point really? There's no one, it's one of those things, a little bit of consciousness.
Speaker 2:What do you battle with daily?
Speaker 1:I'm not a morning person, no same. I struggle, same, I struggle. I want to be a morning person. So bad. I'll keep fighting that fight. But I'm a night owl. I'll start late. I keep working adhd. I'm not diagnosed with adhd, but I'm I'm certain that I've got adhd I know everyone in the world thinks I've got adhd at the moment, but I think I genuinely have the real deal.
Speaker 1:It's been my biggest superpower because I work non-stop, always thinking a million things. But it is also, I think as I'm older it's becoming more and more a problem as much as it is a solution.
Speaker 1:Because I hit that wall. I will tell a story. About two and a half years ago I was driving my daughter to school. I had a big night sorry, a big weekend so a couple of drinks and way too many drinks, to be honest, it was like a party or something. And a big week before that I didn't feel hungover. I was driving my daughter to school and the highway and I got a bit dizzy and then, and then, long story short, I was ended up in hospital for four days so and I had vertigo yeah, which is so random because I'd never had anything like that before but yeah, I couldn't walk.
Speaker 1:I got extremely anxious and I've never been an anxious person, as I've said I'm. I've got a pretty severe sort of anxiety. I was terrible. I was in hospital and I didn't know what was wrong with me. No one knew what was wrong with me. I tried everything and they tried what's it called Semotor, which is a medication, for they tried the Epley manoeuvre a couple of times, which usually fixes vertigo. For four days I couldn't do anything. My eyes and have the world moving still, and I'd open my eyes and it would still be moving and I'd just be like I'm broken. I was beside myself. I think it was a vestibular migraine that triggered it, basically from stress and caffeine and lack of sleep and you know all the stuff that I do, but I've definitely taken back from that.
Speaker 1:So I'm just talking about struggles. That's one that I'm very conscious of at the moment and have been since. I'm like, okay, drink more water, try to have more sleep, try to drink less coffee, and just constantly remind myself Go to the gym, but don't go to the gym. I was going to the gym at 1 o'clock in the morning Most nights, like six days a week, I'd finish work at 10, 11 o'clock, go to the gym at 12 o'clock, go to gym at 12 o'clock. I was all about that. Influencer, I keep pumping. You. Sleep five hours a day, live a little faster. You know that's all fine and I'm all for that, but don't write yourself off, because you're a human being. At the end of the day. You've got to look after the vessel because it's got to carry you your whole life anyway.
Speaker 1:So that's, that's something. I think I'm more aware and cautious a little bit of the ad if it is ADHD, because it can cause problems. So we're weary of that.
Speaker 2:What does it mean to be a man to you? You've said you've got two girls. I think that's a very, very important role, very important job, Absolutely. For the example what have you learnt? What have you seen? How are you going to teach them what love is? What are you going to teach them? What should we expect from a man?
Speaker 1:in my experience, in my life, it's setting the example more than anything, not in a way that's like. This is what men should be in my opinion. I'm not typically overly traditional as such. I'm not against it, I'm not overly for it but I think that, as a father, that's a big thing to me is that you need to be the example. My dad was my example. I want to be an example. My dad was my example. I want to be an example, and when I say an example that's kind to other people, strong, have the ability to control situations or fight situations if you need to.
Speaker 1:In my opinion, I think your kids should be a little bit scared of dad. Not worried that you're going to hurt them, you know, but scared to disappoint them, maybe scared to do the wrong thing In a traditional sense. I've always been pretty tough as a dad. I wouldn't hurt my kids, but I'd certainly tell them if they were out of line as they were younger. I've always been very strict on what's right and what's wrong and explaining why. So I think, as a man, you've got to be the strong head a little bit.
Speaker 1:In my opinion, appreciate your family and your partner. If you're in a husband and wife situation. Whether it be same-sex or not, you should be appreciative of the other side, because it needs two sides. That's my opinion. Women and men are both equally important, and I don't want to go down the whole like and right, but I think that we're equally important. I think it's silly that one would fight against the other in any case, whether it be females versus males, males versus females, because that's not equality. How can you fight against the other and say it's equality? It doesn't make any sense to me. So I think, appreciate it for what it is and be fair with yourself and who you are.
Speaker 2:I think I resonate with telling your kids why you know. That's something all parents should you know, do. It's not enough to say don't do this, don't do that because I said so.
Speaker 2:You've got to explain why it goes into every reach of life when it comes to one day when they're mine will never happen because my daughter will never grow up um, when they when luck, when they get to the stage of when you're having a birds and the bee conversation with them, the sex and stuff, understand that, yes, sex is great, it's enjoyable and it originally was, because for a kid to thrive in the traditional sense was male and a female, nuclear household sort of thing. Sex is more enjoyable when there's intimacy, when there's feelings, when there's emotion. So you don't want to just be giving it to anybody. You should enjoy it with someone that you care about. Yeah, so when you get to that stage, it's about I'm explaining to them.
Speaker 2:This is why I say don't do this. Sometimes you do need them to put their hand in a hot pot and realize, oh, it's hot. That's why dad doesn't want me to touch it. But I think a lot of times parents just get tired, tell the kid. The reason why we stop and we look both ways is because there's cars. If you die, you don't get to see me. I don't get to see you.
Speaker 1:Explain things, explain and get down to their level a bit. That's such an important thing and I think as a dad it's so important saying, hey, I love you, and making them know that, like reminding them because you're so tough. I try to. I don't know if it's right or wrong, I'm not an expert on it, but I try to be really tough but then remind them that I'll show them that I love them. So I'm like, oh, I'm tough, like firm, but fair on what happens. But I love you a lot, and that's kind of why not just say it but show it? So that's been my sort of counteract.
Speaker 1:But an interesting position. My daughter's 11, she's about to turn 12, and she's just at that age where she's becoming a little bit more and more independent. And as a dad it is exceptionally difficult to let go of that reins. But knowing that if you don't let go, if you keep trying to pull back, they're going to cut the rope, right, they're going to cut the rope and run and then you've got no hope. You've got to get them a little bit of controlled risk, some uncontrolled risk. It's scary as hell. I'm in that situation. So I've taken the path of.
Speaker 1:I said to my daughter the other day. Look, I'm not going to be around all the time anymore with everything that goes on in your life. I'm not going to sit here and tell you you can't do this and you can't do this. There's definitely things I'm going to tell you you can't do, but what I'm going to say right now and who you want to be like, what choices you want to make yeah, I've given you what I think should be the right way. You're going to now choose your own, your own choices. It's on you now. So there's going to be times and they're going to come more and more as you get older. You're going to get into high school and you're going to go through all those years. You're going to make a choice, so you choose, and there's going to be repercussions to the bad ones. There's going to be some good stuff from the good ones.
Speaker 2:I like that you can choose who you want to be.
Speaker 1:I'm hoping, like I said, no expert, but I'm hoping that it'll start getting in her mind. I've got to make the choice here. What am I going to do?
Speaker 2:Am I going to go to this party? I don't know. I'm hoping. What are some experiences you had as a child and did that colour or change your understanding of what it means to be a man?
Speaker 1:Yeah, again, just my dad. It was a thing that changed who I am as a man 100%. He was there. He didn't run away and in many ways he should have. He chose me and mum. That was massive. I remember in the darker stages before I moved out of my mum's house and tiny house, I was a little bit of a group of boys and we called ourselves a gang. I laugh that off now, but we certainly thought we were in a gang at that point. We used to steal things from shops and we used to get into fights a lot and we never went to school. All sorts of stuff that was pretty heavy. You wouldn't imagine it now, right, I know, but it's true. 100, I'll find some fighters.
Speaker 1:I'd black him, but please, I want to see those I'll get a business card to run the old fighters on one day. One of my mates at the time I won't name who and shame him but he was one of the one of the ringleaders and we're in his room at one point and he was like I gotta show you something. He's like okay, I looked up this guy like he's a big tough guy. Right there's a guy that got me into a lot of trouble and he pulled out a gun out of under his bed. He had a gun so and I remember I was like shit, I don't know about that. I didn't say anything to him, I was like shit, I don't know about that?
Speaker 1:I didn't say anything to him, I was like, oh cool, that's awesome. Wicked man, what are you going to do with that? I remember thinking that night I don't know if I should be around this guy anymore. It's too much. I think I was a bit of a change. I know I didn't really hang around with him ever again. He's in's not the what, it's the why. You hear all these bad things happening, people making terrible decisions, but you ask why Did they have anything else to show them a better way? Did they have someone like my sister that showed them a different way, a different path? Was there any inspiration? Was there anything to look up to? Getting a gun and robbing a shop is probably the coolest thing I could think of in their life. You think about these things. I want to become someone that actually inspires other people.
Speaker 2:I've learned a lot. There's some points that you've raised that have really resonated, with one being looking beyond surface value. You have the luxury of sitting here and looking back and think what motivates them, or what is going on, whether the system failed them, in order for them to think that's cool, one example being the gun. I think that's something I also do. Sometimes. It's a detriment to yourself because you become too understanding, because you can see beyond just the action of someone. You can look at it. Oh. That's why I always say why would you get mad at a drunk person? They're drunk, so they're incoherent, and that confused me. When people get mad at a drunk person, yeah, they're drunk, so they're incoherent, yeah, and that confused me. When people get mad at drunk people, right, and I know a lot of the listeners will be able to resonate.
Speaker 2:The reason why I want to speak to you is to say to you keep going. Enough is not enough, in the sense of challenging and growing. You've achieved a lot. You've done well, and it's still more to achieve. The only person you have to impress is you. Your biggest challenge is you. I didn't have an example of a male or a father figure. I had female figures, yeah, and they helped me be the man I am today. It's about perspective, but you had your dad who was there and he colored for you what sacrifice and service is with your mom. Nothing ever got in the way of him showcasing love.
Speaker 2:In that way he showed that and that's something you'd be giving to your kids. They will see that I hope. So that's the point yeah, and I really respect you. I'm definitely cheering you on, thank you and seeing where this goes. Right now, we're in the progress of renovating and getting into a space, and naman has been working hard to get a space that you'll be proud of. Is there anything you want to say, anything you want us to know?
Speaker 1:the first thing comes to mind is watch this space, yeah, watch this space. This guy, no, but lots of. Lastly, I don't know, taking one step at a time. Since starting the business, I've never been challenged with so much stuff, and what I mean by that is paying a salary. That was my most recent one.
Speaker 1:I was like I'm now responsible for paying someone's salary and laying in bed thinking we're going to make sure we've got enough money to pay this salary. We're going to pay them the right amount. It's got to be kosher, it's got to be bang on. And you're now responsible for paying and looking after someone within your working environment. Like whoa, like that's huge stress, right, that's just one step. 10, 15 people, right, so crazy.
Speaker 1:But what I've realized is that the next week or the couple weeks after that, you're like, oh, it's okay, that's fine. You learn it was like that from the get-go. It was starting up a business. I remember setting up the trust account. That's a huge thing that we've got to manage, so scared about all that. But now it's fine, it's okay, I get it. I'm gonna have mistakes, I'm gonna have issues, but it's okay, it's fine, it's like nothing now, which is crazy because it was so big to me. Then put yourself in positions where you're scared out of your brain and then the next day you won't be, the next week you won't be. That's what I would say to anyone that's wondering what to do next. Put yourself in a scary position exactly.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I really appreciate you agreeing to sit and have a chat with me. Thanks very much for asking. You're very welcome. Watch this space. It's been really informative for me and thank you, guys for listening. And yeah, please like the page. Subscribe so you don't miss out on any other uploads that I release. Please go and support a company. That's a ground level obviously can only go up. Show your support. And thanks so much for tuning in guys. Thanks to gilly for looking after the camera and everybody that's behind the scenes that has helped this come into fruition. Thank you and have a good night. Cheers.
